When we start a new relationship, we usually have expectations. We may be looking for a lifelong partnership or a non-exclusive fling. Most of the time, if there should be an end to that relationship, we know when it should be. For those looking for lifelong partners, the end is till death takes one of you out of this world when you’re both old and grey. For those having casual affairs, they want to call the shots. As a result, it comes as a shock when there is a sudden break-up. We deny, get angry, run into depression, and, sometimes, may never accept that the relationship is truly over.
But every cloud has a silver lining, right? A break-up – through no fault of yours – helps to sharpen your focus, realign your priorities, and find one that will better suit you and your purpose in life. Here are a few tips to deal with a break-up.
Do not hate.
It’s easier said than done. If you are on the receiving end of the break-up, it is hard to be sweet towards the person who broke your heart. Look at things differently: they are human, and they made a choice that didn’t include you. But hating them will only turn you into a bitter person, hindering future more successful relationships. This does not mean become friends with them. But do not keep the feelings in you. You are human. You will feel the anger and the hatred. In fact, it’s part of the healing process. Feel them, but do not hold on to them. Do not cherish those negative feelings. Feel them course through you and let them flow OUT of you so that they do not corrupt the beauty that is still in you.
Do not belittle yourself.
This is very important. The break-up may erode a chunk of your confidence. If you perceived yourself to be beautiful and smart, you might begin to wonder if you’ve been lying to yourself, and if you’ll ever be enough for anyone else. As you harbour hatred for your ex, you may begin to hate yourself and start a downward trip into the pit of inferiority complex. It is very important to find yourself after a break-up and hold on to you. The best revenge on an ex is to look better and more advanced than how they left you, not giving them reason to thank God that they didn’t stay with you. Grow yourself. Learn a skill. There is still more of you to share with the world.
Do not mope.
You may cry over the loss of your lover, but not for long. Do not descend into the abyss of depression because they left. By all means, cry; it’s part of the emotional healing process. Crying has been proven to help people deal with emotional upheavals, but preserve some for the joys that are yet to come. Do not shut yourself in out of fear of being disappointed again. Allow yourself to meet new people when you are emotionally ready. Mingle with different people. Learn new things. Travel, if you can. Your ex left you; they didn’t take your life with them.
Allow yourself to heal.
You may feel that your whole world has ended because they left you, but that is not so. Life still goes on. People heal at different speeds and times. Take your time to heal: physically, mentally, and emotionally. Bring all your pieces together and let time and conscious effort put you together.
If you slipped and fell and sprained an ankle when you were wearing white attire, you may be embarrassed, but you would reach out for help. Sometimes, even before you call for help, people come around to help you. Despite the embarrassment, you don’t stay on the ground and become a plant; you take hold of the hands that are outstretched to help you up and take you to a safe place. You might even get someone to massage the sprain immediately or rush you to a healthcare facility for treatment. That’s how it is for emotional hurts, too. Take the hands outstretched to help you heal. Do not carry the depression of being heartbroken alone. allow yourself to heal, love, and live again. Cheers.
