A Bed of Roses

Marriage is easy. But marriage is hard, too. Love makes marriage easy, and conflict makes it difficult. The ability to manage conflict in a marriage and still have the fuel of love burning is a skill many couples are yet to master, unfortunately; so, when things start going south in a marriage, they look for the exit door – divorce.

When we think of marriage, what we see first is love lasting forever, with things remaining as they are for as long as we are together. After all, didn’t our fairy tales and love songs tell us that love is all that matters, and if we had each other, we could stand against the world? Then, we get married to the love of our life and find that there are so many things to the person and the institution than we knew.

It is usually after we marry that the scales fall from our eyes and we see the person we married properly. But were there any scales at all in the first place, or did we just close our eyes to glaring details – some of them red flags – and brush them under the carpet with the hope that the person would change after the marriage? To our dismay, they don’t go away as we believe they would.

No human being is perfect, and that includes your spouse. We do not have perfect marriages because we do not have the perfect couple – the couple without conflicts. A couple may come near perfection when they master stress and conflict management in the marriage.

Some of the areas of conflict in a marriage are work-related stress, children, extended family pressure, unresolved differences between the couple, sex, and a host of other things. We usually do not see these issues eroding the fabric of love in the marriage, but a small slit can always lead to a bigger tear if the little one is not stitched in time. Work-related issues should be dealt with at work; don’t pour your frustrations on your spouse after work. Rather, seek for comfort and solutions from and with your spouse. Agree on how to raise your children – what corrective, disciplinary, and formative actions to take to ensure that they become responsible people in the future. Identify situations that trouble each spouse and work towards a resolution. If need be, involve a mature person to assist with the conflict resolution.

We cannot downplay the impact of sex in a marriage. Unless both spouses are not interested in the act, it should go around in lavish doses. No one should beg for sex in a marriage. If love is the fuel of a marriage, sex is the battery that keeps the engine running. The couple should have equal enjoyment in the act, lest it becomes a chore for one. Have it as frequently as you can, and enjoy yourself while at it, too.

Marriage is a bed of roses, and it comes with its share of thorns. The thorns do not diminish the beauty of the roses. If you want to get the rose, tread around the thorns cautiously. If you are patient and careful enough, you may harvest a bouquet of roses without a scratch of the thorns in the bush. Cheers to a happy marriage.

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