Mina looked at the pink baby in the bassinet near her bed. This was not her first child, yet, the feeling was alien to her. It was as if she had not only recently pushed the baby out of her. She could not form any bond with her newborn and she didn’t know why. She felt… empty.
She knew the routine of taking care of a newborn: breastfeeding, cuddling, diaper changes round the clock… She knew them all, and she did them almost mechanically. But deep down, she wished she didn’t have to.
That was not how she felt with Skye, her first son. She had felt overwhelming love for him from the moment he had been placed in her arms. She had not wanted anyone else to hold him for too long. She had invested so much of her emotions into Skye that, looking at little Curtis, her newborn, it seemed she had none left for him.
She felt guilty about it most of the time. She knew that she must love Curtis more than she did now, but she just could not bring herself to it. Unlike with Skye, the connection with Curtis seemed fake and forced. She recalled, as she looked at Curtis, that she used to read to Skye while she cuddled him to sleep; now, if she read to Curtis, it was another chore that she must tick off her to-do list. It was as if she was not the one who gave birth to him.
Both Mina’s mother and her mother-in-law had assured her that the feeling would pass, but until when? Her husband, Marcus, had done his bit by taking on most of the chores to ease the burden on her and foster the bond between mother and child. Yet, she still felt dead inside.
Deep down, Mina knew that she didn’t hate her baby Curtis. Could it then be that she was stressed out with taking care of a newborn and a young child as well? Could it be that the fatigue from always showing up for her family had deadened the maternal love in her for her new baby?
Mina knew that despite how she felt towards Curtis, she was his first lesson on love and security, and she must dig deeper to draw out her love for her son. Surely, love is inexhaustible, she thought, looking at the sleeping Curtis, purring like a content kitten in his bassinet near her bed.
